Find Me Again
by yourLastLove
Summary: If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall. As good luck will have it - He will give the Devil his due. Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.


Night had fallen over the camp, bringing a sort of peacefulness to the air, though the slow wind was crisp with promise of colder seasons, and the sky was clouded with rains that had been building for weeks. The wind smelled of smoke though, from the fire that cooked the day's game, and there was laughter floating through the crackling of the flame, and the thrum of workers still working. Was it laughter? Clarke hadn't heard the sound in so long. The cheerful tones stole her focus, but only for a moment, and then she was back to work, just like the others.

Her hands were kept busy by a makeshift mortar and pestle, crafted out of a rounded piece of metal from the ship, and a thin but long rock that they'd found the day before. She'd been crushing herbs for hours now. Lexa had shown her a few that grew nearby that would be the most beneficial for them, and Clarke had been glad for the chance to get her mind off of the other work she'd somehow found herself doing.

The radio, in front of her, was as silent as ever. They hadn't heard from Bellamy in days. They hadn't heard from anyone. Not since the missile. She didn't know what she'd been thinking, sending him off like that - not that she trusted anyone else to do the job – after what had happened to Finn. It was too soon. It would always be too soon. She couldn't lose anyone else. Life was so ruthless. It seemed inevitable that everyone she cared about would die tragically, that she'd suffer more and more until her mind finally snapped from the pain and her heart gave in and broke beyond repair, but at the same time, it seemed like such a surreal concept, that she might lose more people.

Push, twist, push, twist, push twist, over and over again, she ground the herbs into a pulp, creating the ingredients she needed to make her tinctures. Push… twist… She tried to convince herself that she wasn't waiting. Push… twist… That it was just convenient for her to be at the radio since she had such a simple job. Push… twist… That she wasn't coming a little bit more undone as every second went by that Bellamy didn't contact her. _He's not dead, he's not dead, he's not dead._ She berated herself for thinking so negatively. She could have thought,he's alive, he's alive, but hope was so far gone. It had been for a long time. Push… twist…

"Hello, Earth to Clarke?"

She started, jolting back in her chair. Raven was staring down at her, a disgruntled expression illuminated on her face by the lantern she held.

"Never thought I'd hear anyone say that," Clarke chuckled without humor, glancing up apologetically. "Sorry."

"No worries," Raven said, eyes squinted slightly as she observed the girl in front of her. "I brought you something to eat. Your mom said you've been in here all day." She held out a plate with a sliver of their latest catch on it, along with some berries that Clarke couldn't remember having seen before.

"At least she's acknowledging my existence now." She muttered, taking the plate.

"What?"

Oops. "Never mind. Thank you."

Raven nodded, still suspicious. "Nothing still?"

"Nothing."

Another nod.

"Raven, I'm so worried. It's been days."

"Yeah, I know." She snapped. Things were still so tense between the girls. Clarke couldn't tell if it was worse or better now that Bellamy had left.

"I'm sorry, I just…" She let out a breath and looked down at the plate on her lap that she probably wouldn't touch.

"Hey, it's ok. I'm s… I know. It's ok. You should eat." She left then before the blonde could answer her, leaving her alone with her troubles once again.

100-100-100-100-100

The land had grown silent as sleep took most of the creature's voices. There were no crickets chirping, no owls hooting, no bats flying overhead. Just silence. Every so often the wind moved the leaves in the trees, but that was all. Clarke tried to focus on the sound of her own breathing, in and out, instead of how empty the world seemed in that moment. It was too dark for her to peek up to find Octavia – a habit she'd picked up since Bellamy left – so she stayed where she was, unmoving, waiting for sleep to find her too.

She'd managed to eat some of the berries and enough of the meat just to taste it before she offered her portion to someone else – who had graciously taken it. Even that little bit of food had set her stomach churning. She was probably losing weight. She'd probably have to work on that if she wanted to survive much longer.

Another breeze came by and tickled her nose. She was outside, lying on the ground with her upper body propped up against a log. She didn't feel like being in her tent. She didn't feel like anything at all, if she was being completely honest. Oh, how much she wished sleep would come.

She let her eyes close, focusing harder on her breathing. In, 5, out, 5, in, 5. There was a rustling in the bushes.

Fingers trailed down her face….

She sat up fast, looking around her quickly, snapping her head around from side to side. Nothing. The sun was coming up through the trees… it had just been a dream.

Shaking herself off, she got up and moved back inside.

"Wick, go get some sleep," she said softly, taking her seat back at the radio. "I've got this."

The engineer looked like he was about to refuse, but the dark circles under his eyes won over, and he clapped his hand down on her shoulder as he stood. "Thanks. I have to work on the fence today anyway, I could use a few hours."

She smiled at him as he left, then let her eyes fall back onto the radio… waiting…


End file.
